// app.jsx — givemesomemoney.lol
// One-page, deadpan-honest donation site. You send money. You get nothing.
const TWEAK_DEFAULTS = /*EDITMODE-BEGIN*/{
"palette": ["#1a1410", "#f6f1e4", "#2f8a5f"],
"vibe": "deadpan",
"honestCounter": true,
"showCoinRain": true,
"headline": "GIVE ME SOME MONEY",
"name": "Michael"
}/*EDITMODE-END*/;
// ── Copy banks keyed by vibe ────────────────────────────────────────────────
const COPY = {
deadpan: {
sub: "A website where you send money to a stranger. In exchange, you receive nothing. It's that simple.",
cta: "Give me some money",
smallprint: "No refunds. No receipts. No thank-you note. No nothing.",
ticker: ["NO PRODUCT", "NO SERVICE", "NO FREE TIER", "NO PERK", "NO NEWSLETTER", "NO REFUND", "NO MERCH", "NO STREAM", "NO CALL", "NO REPLY"],
tiersTitle: "Pick an amount. You will get nothing.",
receiptHeader: "Receipt of nothing",
},
hyped: {
sub: "THE WEBSITE OF THE CENTURY!! Send your money to a complete stranger and watch in real time as you receive ABSOLUTELY ZERO things in return!!!",
cta: "YES! TAKE IT!",
smallprint: "WOW! No refunds, no thank-you, no anything! INCREDIBLE!!",
ticker: ["BIG!!!", "HUGE!!", "FREE NOTHING", "INSANE VALUE", "LIMITLESS NOTHING", "JUST DO IT", "WOW", "EPIC", "NOTHING!!"],
tiersTitle: "PICK AN AMOUNT! GET NOTHING! LET'S GO!",
receiptHeader: "OFFICIAL CERTIFICATE OF NOTHING",
},
hostile: {
sub: "You are still reading this. Just send the money. You won't get anything. That is the entire premise. Why are you scrolling.",
cta: "Fine. Take it.",
smallprint: "Don't email me. Don't ask for anything. There is nothing.",
ticker: ["STILL NOTHING", "STOP READING", "JUST SEND IT", "NO REFUND", "NO PRODUCT", "GO AWAY", "SEND IT", "OR DON'T"],
tiersTitle: "Pick one. Hurry up.",
receiptHeader: "We took your money",
},
};
// ── Tiers ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
const TIERS = [
{ amt: 1, name: "The Symbolic", gets: "Nothing", sub: "A clean, dignified nothing." },
{ amt: 5, name: "The Coffee", gets: "....not a thing", sub: "What I would have spent on coffee. Now I have it." },
{ amt: 20, name: "The Lunch", gets: "Nothing", sub: "I will eat. You will not be there." },
{ amt: 50, name: "The Statement", gets: "Two handfuls of nothing", sub: "A statement piece of nothing." },
{ amt: 100, name: "The Patron", gets: "Nothing", sub: "You'll still get nothing. Just a richer nothing." },
{ amt: 500, name: "The Lapse", gets: "Nothing, plus a question mark from your bank", sub: "A lapse in judgment, but make it generous." },
{ amt: 2500,name: "The Disappearance", gets: "Nothing. I will also disappear briefly.", sub: "Cannot be undone. Will not be acknowledged." },
{ amt: 10000,name: "The Taxable Amount", gets: "Nothing. But now I have to fill out tax paperwork.", sub: "IRS paperwork for me. Nothing for you." },
];
function pickTier(amt) {
let best = TIERS[0];
for (const t of TIERS) if (amt >= t.amt) best = t;
return best;
}
const fmt$ = (n) => "$" + n.toLocaleString("en-US");
// ── Hooks ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
function useEasedCount(target, dur = 1400) {
const [val, setVal] = React.useState(0);
React.useEffect(() => {
let raf, start;
const from = 0;
const to = target;
const tick = (t) => {
if (start == null) start = t;
const p = Math.min(1, (t - start) / dur);
const eased = 1 - Math.pow(1 - p, 3);
setVal(Math.round(from + (to - from) * eased));
if (p < 1) raf = requestAnimationFrame(tick);
};
raf = requestAnimationFrame(tick);
return () => cancelAnimationFrame(raf);
}, [target, dur]);
return val;
}
// ── App ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
function App() {
const [t, setTweak] = useTweaks(TWEAK_DEFAULTS);
const copy = COPY[t.vibe] || COPY.deadpan;
const [amount, setAmount] = React.useState(20);
const [coins, setCoins] = React.useState([]);
const [receipt, setReceipt] = React.useState(null);
const [clicks, setClicks] = React.useState(0);
const [counterBoost, setCounterBoost] = React.useState(0);
const [loading, setLoading] = React.useState(false);
const accent = "#2f8a5f";
const counterBase = t.honestCounter ? 0 : 18247;
const counterTarget = counterBase + counterBoost;
const live = useEasedCount(counterTarget, 1200);
// On mount: check for Stripe redirect success params
React.useEffect(() => {
const params = new URLSearchParams(window.location.search);
if (params.get("success") === "true") {
const paidAmount = Number(params.get("amount")) || 20;
// Clean URL without replacing history entry
window.history.replaceState({}, "", "/");
setCounterBoost((b) => b + paidAmount);
setClicks((c) => c + 1);
if (t.showCoinRain) spawnCoins(paidAmount);
setReceipt({
amount: paidAmount,
tier: pickTier(paidAmount),
id: (params.get("session_id") || "").slice(-8).toUpperCase() || Math.random().toString(36).slice(2, 10).toUpperCase(),
ts: new Date(),
});
}
}, []);
const spawnCoins = (amt) => {
const id = Date.now();
const newCoins = Array.from({ length: 22 }, (_, i) => ({
id: id + i,
left: Math.random() * 100,
dx: (Math.random() - 0.5) * 30,
delay: Math.random() * 0.4,
rot: 720 + Math.random() * 1440,
dur: 1.4 + Math.random() * 0.9,
size: 22 + Math.random() * 22,
kind: Math.random() > 0.3 ? "coin" : "bill",
}));
setCoins((cur) => [...cur, ...newCoins]);
setTimeout(() => {
setCoins((cur) => cur.filter((c) => !newCoins.find((n) => n.id === c.id)));
}, 2800);
};
const onGive = async (amt) => {
if (loading) return;
setLoading(true);
try {
const res = await fetch("/api/create-checkout-session", {
method: "POST",
headers: { "Content-Type": "application/json" },
body: JSON.stringify({ amount: amt }),
});
if (!res.ok) throw new Error(await res.text());
const { url } = await res.json();
window.location = url;
} catch (err) {
console.error("Checkout error:", err);
setLoading(false);
alert("Payment unavailable right now. Try again in a moment.");
}
};
return (
{honest
? "An honest counter. Starts at zero. Goes up only when you pay. Nobody else is donating. It's just you."
: "A number going up. It is not verifiable. It is, however, going up."}
{/* ● live} /> */}
);
}
function Row({ k, v }) {
return (
{k}{v}
);
}
// ── GoalMeter ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
function GoalMeter({ accent }) {
const [total, setTotal] = React.useState(null);
const CAP = 10000;
// React.useEffect(() => {
// fetch("/api/total")
// .then((r) => r.json())
// .then((d) => setTotal(d.total))
// .catch(() => {}); // fail silently during local dev
// }, []);
if (!total) return null; // hide when null, 0, NaN, or undefined
const over = total >= CAP;
const pct = Math.min(100, (total / CAP) * 100);
return (
{fmt$(Math.floor(total))} received so far.
{over
? We have exceeded the recommended amount. This is fine.
: Ideally this stays under {fmt$(CAP)}.
}
);
}
// ── HowItWorks ──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
function HowItWorks({ accent }) {
const steps = [
{ n: "01", t: "You click the button", d: "Any button. They all do the same thing." },
{ n: "02", t: "Your money is taken", d: "Quickly, efficiently, and with no fanfare." },
{ n: "03", t: "You receive nothing", d: "This is not a bug. This is the whole point." },
];
return (
How it works
A radically simple three-step process.
{steps.map((s, i) => (
{s.n}
{s.t}
{s.d}
))}
);
}
// ── Testimonials ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
function Testimonials({ accent }) {
const quotes = [
{ q: "I sent $40. Nothing happened. Exactly as advertised. Five stars.", a: "Marcus T.", role: "sent $40, received nothing" },
{ q: "The cleanest financial transaction of my life. No spam, no follow-up email, no nothing.", a: "Priya R.", role: "sent $12, received nothing" },
{ q: "I keep coming back. I'm not sure why. I have given this man $340 over six visits.", a: "Anon.", role: "sent $340, received nothing" },
{ q: "My therapist says this is the healthiest parasocial relationship I've ever had.", a: "Jules D.", role: "sent $5, received nothing" },
];
return (
What people say after receiving nothing.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ · Verified Nothings
{quotes.map((q, i) => (
"{q.q}"
{q.a}
{q.role}
))}
);
}
// ── FAQ ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
function FAQ({ accent }) {
const items = [
{ q: "Do I get anything?", a: "No." },
{ q: "Is this a scam?", a: "No. A scam implies you were expecting something. You should not be expecting anything." },
{ q: "Is this tax-deductible?", a: "No. Please don't try." },
{ q: "Can I get a refund?", a: "No. The money is gone. It is somewhere else now. It is somewhere warm and well-fed." },
{ q: "What do you spend it on?", a: "Mostly groceries. Some on a place to live. A small amount on a fancy coffee about which I will not tell you." },
{ q: "Why are you doing this?", a: "Honestly, mostly to see if it works. My name is Michael. I build things on the internet, and occasionally I run small experiments to understand how the world actually works. This is one of them." },
{ q: "Will you remember me?", a: "Briefly, and then no." },
{ q: "Can I get a thank-you note?", a: "No. That would be a thing, and the whole premise is that you receive zero things." },
];
const [open, setOpen] = React.useState(0);
return (